ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
