I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
