is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
