put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
