someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I will pee on everything he values.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
