i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
