My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
