I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
