Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
