I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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