it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
