considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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