i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
