like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm at about main and main street
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
