I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Even my vagina gasped.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
