man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
