My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm like, not good at living.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
