I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
it glows. i had to have it.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
