we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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