i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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