I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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