as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
