i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I think my moral compass just broke
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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