I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
