either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
How naked do you want me to be?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
