Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
...so i touched it.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
