You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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