So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
