It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
