just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
