I just found puke in my bra..
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
