There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
We smell like vodka and hangover
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