Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
