I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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