Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
