She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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