Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
