where does the pee come out of this thing
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
