sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
