she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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