Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
