Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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