got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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