Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
