He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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