I want to make a zoo with you.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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