Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
