New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
