Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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