We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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