You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
